Hard Starting

"Five months after, I think about the work made among these months and their impact. Often, people build reflections about the hard work (or may be the lot of work) made among the days to start in the end of a project, however, in this case, a bit off the end, it's necessary to evaluate the results. And the only one result is that we are even starting.

My role here is to start and organize, is true. In the first three months the bureaucratic structures and the power conflicts were disastrous to the motivation. Nevertheless, the obstinateness and the personal idea that I develop a revolution to enhance a scientific community was stronger than the devaluation and the ambiguities. At the end of the three months I got tired and with a sensation of deception. Of course, also the nostalgia of the past times.

Next two months, with a few of results of activities, thinks look better. But, in my own sense, the in-satisfaction and frustration were demotivating until today. The incertitude and the ambiguity of the words generate confusion and the next step in my mind is only go away.

Then, I think in the people who have been identified in this type of enterprises. And I think why I can't uses the real conditions... to have good conditions?. And also, why the discourse is not in accordance with the actions. A good mystery in these times... and in this place.

If someone asked me about the impact of my work here and the state of the work today, I think that I would say : "we start... very hard to start and the continuity es is not granted. But not yet the rupture".